Dead Mole Rat Sketch
by keshihead
Summary: On Wednesday 22 October, I taped an episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus. On that episode was the Dead Parrot Sketch. I decided tomake a KP parody of that sketch!


Parody of Monty Python - Dead Parrot Sketch  
  
Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable and Shego in... The Dead Rufus Sketch  
  
Disclaimer - I don't own the characters from Kim Possible or Monty Python's Flying Circus. This is a parody of the most famous sketch in the history of MPFC, the Dead Parrot Sketch!  
  
(We see the interior of a pet shop. The bell above the door rings as a customer, namely Ron, enters with a cage)  
  
Ron - Hello. I wish to register a complaint. (The shopkeeper, Kim, does nothing in reply.) Hello, sir. (Kim looks up)  
  
Kim - What do you mean, 'sir'?  
  
Ron - Sorry, I've got a cold. I wish to make a complaint.  
  
Kim - Sorry, we're closing for lunch.  
  
Ron - Never mind that, KP, I want to complain about this mole rat I bought not half an hour ago from this very shop.  
  
Kim - Yes, the naked mole rat. What's wrong with it?  
  
Ron - I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.  
  
Kim - No, no, he's resting.  
  
Ron - Look, KP, I know a dead mole rat when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.  
  
Kim - No, he's not dead, he's resting.  
  
Ron - Resting?  
  
Kim - Yeah. Beautiful creature, the naked mole rat. Lovely skin, innit?  
  
Ron - The skin don't enter into it. It's stone dead!  
  
Kim - No, no, he's resting.  
  
Ron - Alright then, if he's resting, I'll wake him up. HELLO RUFUS!!! I'VE GOT A NICE NACO FOR YOU WHEN YOU WAKE UP, RUFUS!!! (Kim taps the cage)  
  
Kim - There, it moved.  
  
Ron - No it didn't, that was you pushing the cage!  
  
Kim - No, I didn't!  
  
Ron - Yes you did! (Takes Rufus out of the cage and shouts in its ear) HELLO RUFUS!!! RUUUUUUFFFUUUUSSS!!! (Bangs him 3 times on the counter) RUFUS!!! WAKE UP!!! (Bangs him twice more, then shakes him) RUFUS!!! (Tosses him into the air and lands with a thud on the floor) Now that's what I call a dead mole rat.  
  
Kim - No, no, it's stunned.  
  
Ron - Look, KP, I've heard about enough of this! That mole rat is definitely deceased. And when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that it's lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a prolonged feeding.  
  
Kim - He's pining for the fjords.  
  
Ron - Pining for the fjords? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got him home?  
  
Kim - The naked mole rat prefers kipping on his back. Beautiful creature, lovely skin.  
  
Ron - Look, I examined him and discovered that the only reason that he had been sitting on his perch in the first place was that he was nailed there.  
  
Kim - Well of course he was nailed there, otherwise he'd nuzzle up to the bars and BOOM!  
  
Ron - Look, matey, (picks it up) this mole rat wouldn't BOOM if I put 4,000 volts through him! He's bleedin' demised!  
  
Kim - No he's not, he's pining.  
  
Ron - He's not pining, he's passed on! This mole rat is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late mole rat. It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it'd be pushing up the daisies! It's flown down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This...is an ex-mole rat!!!  
  
Kim - Well, I'd better replace it then.  
  
Ron - (To camera) If you wanna get anything done right in this place, you have to complain until you're blue in the mouth!  
  
Kim - Sorry, Ron, we're all out of mole rats.  
  
Ron - I see, I get the picture!  
  
Kim - I've got a slug.  
  
Ron - Does it talk?  
  
Kim - (Thinks) Not really, no.  
  
Ron - Well it's not a very good replacement, is it?  
  
Kim - Listen, I'll tell you what. If you go to Shego's pet shop in Bolton, she'll replace your mole rat. (Hands Ron a card)  
  
Ron - Bolton, eh?  
  
Kim - Yep.  
  
Ron - Alright. (Walks out the door)  
  
(Screen shows: A SIMILAR PET SHOP IN BOLTON, LANCS.)  
  
(Ron walks in. He looks down at the floor and sees the cage he left earlier!)  
  
Ron - Excuse me? This is Bolton, isn't it?  
  
Shego - No, it's Ipswich.  
  
Ron - (to camera) That's Inter City rail for you!  
  
(Screen cuts to a COMPLAINTS sign. It's at a train station)  
  
Ron - I wish to make a complaint!  
  
Complaints attendant - I don't have to do this you know!  
  
Ron - You what?  
  
CA - I'm a qualified brain surgeon!!! I only do this 'cos I like being my own boss!  
  
Ron - This is useless, isn't it?  
  
CA - Oh yeah, it's not easy to pen these out to 30 minutes!  
  
Ron - I wish to make a complaint! I got on the Bolton train and found myself here in Ipswich!  
  
CA - Nah, this is Bolton.  
  
Ron - (To camera) That beyach Shego was lying!  
  
CA - Well, we can't blame the rail system for that!  
  
Ron - If this is Bolton, I'll return to the pet shop.  
  
(The screen shows: A LITTLE LATER LIMITED. No idea why!)  
  
(Ron walks into the pet shop)  
  
Ron - I understand that this IS Bolton.  
  
Shego - Yeah.  
  
Ron - Well you told me it was Ipswich.  
  
Shego - Well of course I did. I'm evil for smeg's sake! Besides, it was a pun.  
  
Ron - A pun?!?!  
  
Shego - No, no, not a pun. What's the other thing that reads the same backwards and forwards?  
  
Ron - (Thinks) A palindrome?  
  
Shego - Yeah, yeah.  
  
Ron - It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of Bolton would be Notlob! It doesn't work!  
  
Shego - What d'ya want?  
  
Ron - I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna carry this on any further. It's getting far too silly!!!  
  
(Kim walks in dressed in Army colonel gear)  
  
Kim - Quiet everybody, quiet everybody! Silly, silly, silly! Right, get on with it. GET ON WITH IT!  
  
THE END 


End file.
